Today I want to tell you about one of my clients. Let’s call her Jess.
Jess is a beautiful, successful, intelligent woman in her early forties. She wants to find a high-quality man to spend her life with. She’s had a hard time attracting the right kinds of guys in the past and came to me for help.
After spending some time with Jess and talking about her previous relationships, I began to see some patterns in how she showed up in dating.
Here are the patterns I saw:
- She was attracting/dating mostly “beta men” or lower energy guys who were happy to sit back and let Jess do most of the work
- She had a hard time asking men for what she wants/needs
- She had a tendency to “do everything herself” instead of expecting the man to get up and help
- She was told by her friends that she was “leading” in her relationships
- She had a hard time being vulnerable and emotional with the men she dated
- She was often the one initiating
- The men she dated were less ambitious than her, she often felt like she was “pulling them” along
- She felt like she had to dim her light or change herself, in order to stay with whoever she was dating
Once it was clear what was happening, I sat Jess down and told her:
“Jess, you are dating too much in your MASCULINE energy!”
As you can expect, Jess was taken aback. She looked at me like I was nuts!
Now, don’t get the wrong idea. Jess is a beautiful woman. She takes great care of herself, has lovely hair, nails done, is sweet as can be…you would never look at here and think, “Gee, she sure is masculine!”
Dating in your masculine energy has little to do with how you look or dress. It’s all about the energy in which you approach your romantic relationships.
The truth is, this energy imbalance is one of the most COMMON problems I see in my clients!
They are ambitious, go-getter women. Very capable and goal-oriented. There is nothing wrong with this.
HOWEVER, as a woman, you can throw your love life off-balance when you are operating in the same energy in DATING as you are at WORK.
All of the signs I listed about Jess are evidence that her “masculine energy” is in overdrive.
On top of that, she was sacrificing her own wants and needs in order to keep her man happy.
I see this a lot.
Do you feel like Jess?
You’re the first one to text.
The one to suggest a date.
The first one to apologize.
Always handling the details yourself.
Exhausted at the end of the day.
Feeling like your needs are unmet.
Giving your partner all the power because you care the most.
The truth is…if you want to date a confident leader who will work hard to create a lasting relationship with you, you have to let him lead.
This requires stepping into your feminine energy when dating.
If you’re wondering what exactly this looks like…I have some LOVE HOMEWORK to get you started on a more healthy dating and relationship path.
These skills will help you learn to LEAN BACK and allow men to take the lead…
They will help you create space for men to PROVE THEMSELF to YOU…not the other way around.
1. Write this mantra on your mirror and focus on it daily:
I AM ON THE PATH TO TRUST MY PARTNER TO PURSUE ME AND LEAD THE RELATIONSHIP.
2. Journal 10 routines, hobbies, and activities that you enjoy pursuing in your life. It’s important that you live your life confidently and keep yourself as busy as you want to be. No more self-abandonment when a man comes along! Make him work to schedule time with you. A quality man will be very attracted to the fact that you are busy living a fulfilling life.
Why You Keep Attracting The Wrong Men
Dec 7, 2022