There are many reasons men may pull away from you. What to do when he pulls away can be a tricky question to answer; many times it is nothing to do with us. However it doesn’t hurt to do some self reflection – continue reading and see if you can relate with any of the below.
When you’re on a journey to find the right partner or to deepen the love in your current relationship, it can sometimes feel like an uphill battle, and it may seem like external factors are beyond your control. Sometimes, it’s not an easy place to be in.
In fact, these moments can feel quite disheartening.
The more you pursue the love you desire and the type of relationship you want, the more you might end up unintentionally doing things that actually push your partner away:
You may start bending over backward to please your partner, becoming more available, more alluring, more giving, more accommodating, more understanding, and essentially, more of what you believe your partner wants you to be.
This tendency is what I refer to as “Over-functioning.” A common trait associated to co-dependency.
If you’re curious to know the ways you may be over-functioning in love check out the Love Personality Quiz.
The hope behind over-functioning is, that we want our partner to realize their errors and think, “I’ve been foolish; I need to step up and give her the love she deserves.”
However, instead of drawing your partner closer, over-functioning can feel like pressure and neediness to them. They may feel like we are trying to convince him or control the situation. In their eyes, you transform from the captivating, mysterious woman they were drawn to into someone who’s demanding something from them.
Deep down, you want to feel validated or appreciated. You truly desire, with all your heart, to feel entirely secure in the knowledge that your partner wouldn’t dream of going anywhere. You want to know, beyond any doubt, that your partner views you as the most incredible woman they’ve ever met.
This deep yearning can lead us to Over-functioning and creating an unhealthy relationship dynamic.
Every time we transition from simply BEING ourselves to actively DOING things to gain a man’s attention, we inadvertently create a barrier that prevents him from getting closer to us.
When we switch into ‘doing’ mode, we inadvertently take away our partner’s drive to ‘do’ for us.
The more you strive to obtain something from your partner, the less inclined they will be to provide it. This includes attention, romance, intimacy, affection, dedication, commitment, and, perhaps most importantly, their heart.
What to Do When He Pulls Away
Think about this:
You’ve gone all out planning a surprise weekend getaway for your partner. You’ve put your heart and soul into creating a memorable experience. But as the trip gets closer, you find yourself dropping hints like, “I hope you realize how much effort I’ve put into this.” It’s like the gesture has gone from pure love to expecting something in return.
So, your partner, who was initially thrilled about the trip, now feels the weight of these expectations. They can sense that this trip wasn’t purely an act of giving but a calculated maneuver. They’ll feel manipulated and that they’ve somehow failed you.
Your dissatisfaction will be palpable to them, and they won’t feel valued by you.
You see, for many men, demonstrating love means ‘doing’ things for their partner. When you actively try to ‘do’ in order to extract something from your partner, you’re essentially taking away their role. They no longer feel needed!
A man typically wants to be the one making advances. When he’s moving towards you, it creates feelings of safety and security for both of you. It’s a mutually beneficial dynamic.
Therefore, if you truly want to experience the love you deserve, it’s essential to reduce your ‘doing’ and start ‘being.’
One powerful method is tapping into your feminine energy, which helps you shift from ‘doing’ to ‘being.’
In the Confidence in Love program, we deep dive into what feminine energy is and how to access this energy from an empowered place. This leads to you feeling more loved and secure.
Before I learned how to use my feminine energy to feel more loved by doing less, I was guilty of all those needy behaviors I mentioned earlier. I would settle for mere crumbs of affection and work tirelessly for them. Once I made the switch from ‘doing’ to ‘being,’ everything changed.
And I want that for you too! You deserve to experience the love you yearn for.
What to Do When He Pulls Away
Sep 18, 2023