Have you ever had a guy tell you, “I don’t know what I want”?

Women HATE to hear those six little words from someone they are dating!

So how do you not lose your composure (and, sometimes, hope too) when you hear a guy tell you “I don’t know what I want”?

Those words leave you completely in the dark, insecure and with no clue what is ACTUALLY going on in his mind. You’re left with your head spinning and wondering what you are supposed to do from here. It’s kind of the worst. If you’ve experienced this, you know exactly what I’m talking about. In these cases, him just ending things might feel better because at least you would KNOW. You know?

Today I want to share with you HOW to respond in these types of situations so that you feel confident and composed instead of emotional or at a loss for words.

Ready?

What “I Don’t Know What I Want” Really Means When a Guy Says It

Before we get into how to respond, let’s decode what’s actually happening when a guy says he doesn’t know what he wants. Because let’s be honest, he does know what he wants. He just doesn’t want to say it outright.

Men tend to fall into one of three categories when they say this:

1. He Says “I Don’t Know What I Want” Because He’s Keeping His Options Open

Some men enjoy your company but aren’t fully committed, yet they don’t want to lose you. Instead of being upfront, they keep things vague so they can keep their options open.

2. HE’S EMOTIONALLY IMMATURE OR AVOIDANT

Men who struggle with emotional maturity or attachment issues often feel overwhelmed when things get too deep. According to Verywell Mind’s guide on emotional unavailability, emotionally unavailable people may avoid vulnerability or pull away when intimacy increases. Instead of admitting they’re scared, they just say they “don’t know.”

3. HE’S BUYING TIME, HOPING HIS FEELINGS WILL CHANGE

This is the guy who likes you, but not enough for a relationship. He’s hoping that if he sticks around long enough, his feelings will magically change. Spoiler alert: they usually don’t.

No matter which type of guy you’re dealing with, here’s what you need to remember: You should NEVER wait around for a man to figure out if he wants you.

You are the prize, and a man who is right for you will be clear about his intentions.

So now that you know why he’s acting this way, let’s talk about how to respond.

Option #1: What to Say When He Says “I Don’t Know What I Want” but You See Potential

If you feel a genuine connection with him, give him the space to further explain his feelings. It’s likely he is being completely honest when he says he doesn’t know what he wants!

Sometimes, there are things going on in his life that are making things complicated for him. Or he has some triggers coming up that he doesn’t know how to handle.

What to Say:

“I hear you. Can you tell me more about what’s making you feel unsure?”

“I appreciate your honesty, what’s making you hesitant?”

“Tell me more…” invites him to share what is really going on, and will give you a chance to build trust with him. Be sure to ask and then give him the space to answer, without filling the silence with your own thoughts.

Important: This option is best for men who have shown consistency and effort but are going through a rough patch. If he’s just stringing you along? Skip to option #3.

Option #2: Let’s Take Things Slow…

Everyone has different timing when it comes to relationships. Slowing things down allows you to see if his actions match his words. If you really like him, it’s worth investing more time so that you can get to know each other better, develop a closer connection and figure out if he is someone you want to commit to further.

Even if you are ready to commit after 3 weeks, it might take him 3 months. If he’s a high-quality guy, it’s worth the wait.

What to Say:

“I hear you. Let’s take things slow and see how we feel in a few weeks.”

However, if it’s been a lot longer than that and he is still telling you he doesn’t know what he wants…then it might be time to consider option 3.

Option #3: It’s over.

The sad truth is, some guys out there are just MANIPULATIVE and selfish. They enjoy the comfort of your presence without offering you the commitment you deserve.

Some guy’s intention may be to only have sex, or just keep you around so that he isn’t bored or lonely. As a result, he may only want sex, sex and more sex. They aren’t looking for commitment.

The more you ask where things are going, the more pressure it puts him under.

What to Say:

“I respect your honesty, but I’m looking for something real. I don’t wait around for confusion, I deserve clarity.”

Then? Walk away.

Trust your gut and intuition.

If you’ve been dating for a while and gave your heart to him, with little commitment in return, that’s a red flag. Time to break ties and create space in your life for a man who is looking for the kind of real, deep connection and commitment you are looking for.

This isn’t always easy, I get it, especially when you’ve invested emotions, time, and energy. It’s hard to want to say it’s over when you see a potential future with him.

However, you can’t convince him to want what you want, even if you think the two of you would be great together.

Walking away communicates to him and yourself that you are committed to your desire to have a relationship with someone who sees your value and wants to be with you fully.

If you feel like the guy you’re dating is lying through his teeth or not being honest with you, then there’s only one response worth your time:

“It’s over.” Then walk away.

This bold move shows you are confident in yourself and believe that you will have what you want. With him or without him.

What’s Your Next Move?

If a man is confused, you have two choices:

1. Give him a little space (if he’s worth it).
2. Walk away if he’s stringing you along.

The key? You stay in control.

You are NOT an option. You are the prize.

So now, ask yourself: Is this man bringing you peace or confusion? Clarity or anxiety?

If you’re still feeling stuck…

I’ve got you!

If you’re still sitting there thinking, “Nicole, men are just so complicated! I really want to understand them better so I can attract and create more fulfilling relationships” then I’ve got some great news for you. 

I’ve created a PDF guide for a deeper breakdown of why men act this way (and how to handle it like a queen), download my free guide:

How to Respond When He’s Unsure, Confusing, or Pulling Away – And Come Out on Top

Inside, you’ll get:

• The real reasons why men say “I don’t know what I want” (and what it actually means)
• Exact scripts & responses to stay in control (and never feel caught off guard again)
• How to tell when to wait vs. when to walk away for good

Stop wasting time analyzing his every move. Get the clarity you need now!

Download the free guide today!