Let’s get real, there’s a lot of noise out there about what men want from women. Some say it’s someone who caters to their every need. Others claim it’s independence that wins them over.

But what if neither is quite right?

The truth is, men are wired differently. They’re what I like to call production junkies. They thrive on using their energy to fix, build, support, and provide. It’s not just about being useful, it’s how they feel connected and alive. It’s like a dopamine hit…they need to feel useful.

Women, on the other hand, operate differently. We have a natural limit to how much we want (and can) produce before we need to a break to recharge. If we don’t, we burn out.

For men, that production mode is energizing. For us, it’s draining. Men have this insatiable desire to keep producing and they feel good when their energy is being used up.

Here’s the thing though, what men really want is to make YOU happy.

What Men Want From Women:

Men love playing the role of provider and producer, even in small ways. They are addicted to fixing things and solving problems. And the biggest desire for them is to be with a woman who allows them to do things for her. A woman who is able to receive what they have to give.

At the core, what men want from women is the space to contribute and to be appreciated for it.

Think about it: have you ever had a man insist on carrying something heavy for you, even when you technically could do it yourself? Or offer to fix something before you even asked? That’s not just him being polite, it’s how he bonds. He gets a dopamine hit from stepping up and being useful.

It shows up in little ways all the time:

• He offers to open a jar even though you’re totally capable.
• He insists on walking you to your car or driving you home.
• He wants to fix your leaky faucet or hang your shelves.
• He shows up with coffee just because he thought of you.

These might seem small or even unnecessary in the moment, but to him, they’re acts of connection. When you allow him to give, support, or protect you, even in small, everyday ways you’re giving him something too: the deep satisfaction of being needed and appreciated.

This is a core part of what men want from women, especially in romantic relationships.

If we’re always in ‘I’ve got this’ mode, we might be unknowingly shutting men out from stepping into the role they actually want to play.

When we start stepping in and taking over those responsibilities, we might think we’re just being helpful or independent but on a deeper, unconscious level, it can actually push men away.

Real-Life Example: When Independence Blocks What Men Want from a Relationship

A client of mine, (I’ll call her Leanne) was dating a guy named Jake. She prided herself on being super independent, she had a great job, owned her own home, and never needed a man for anything.

On dates, she insisted on splitting the bill, refused to let him help carry her groceries, and even fixed her own sink when it was leaking instead of letting Jake help.

Over time, Jake started emotionally pulling away. He still liked Leanne, but he didn’t feel necessary in her life. He didn’t know how to connect with her because she unknowingly shut down every opportunity for him to step in and be the man he wanted to be for her.

Leanne wasn’t doing anything “wrong.” She was just trying to prove she was capable. But what she didn’t realize was that by over-functioning, she blocked him from fulfilling the very role that would’ve helped him bond.

This is something many women do without realizing and it often works against what men want from women in relationships.

How Over-Functioning Works Against What Men Want from Women

One of the reasons so many women, myself included, feel burnt out in dating or relationships is because we’re constantly doing.

Planning the dates, initiating the conversations, carrying the emotional weight. It’s like we’re always in go-mode. But here’s the thing: that’s not our natural state. As women, we’re wired to receive, to be open, to allow.

Doing is the opposite of receiving. And when we spend all our time in that masculine, “getting it done” energy, it creates imbalance.

When we take on too much, we may start to feel unappreciated, unsupported, or resentful, because we’ve been operating outside our true rhythm.

And let’s be real, resentment is one of the hardest things to shake once it sets in.

Men often won’t know if you’re over-functioning or doing more than what feels good to you. They assume that if you’re doing something, it’s because you want to do it.

Men do what they want to do all the time, so they think we do too. But many of us women worry that if we allow someone else to do something for us, they might see us as weak. That’s why so we are afraid to let go of the doing and ask for help.

Learning to Let Go

There have been numerous conversations over the years in which I’ve heard my partner say, “Why don’t you lean into me and let go? You can be feisty (proving that you can do it all) to everyone else, but you don’t have to be that way with me.” There was part of me that felt incredibly uncomfortable letting go of control.

Even though I know this stuff and teach it, I had to practice being uncomfortable and expressing my needs. I had to learn to trust that this vulnerability would actually create a deeper connection in my relationship.

Why Appreciation Unlocks What Men Really Want from Women

What helped me start letting go and leaning into my relationship was knowing that acknowledgment and appreciation energize men. My holding back and doing everything prevented my partner from feeling good.

Have you ever noticed how a man lights up when you say, “Wow, I really appreciate that you took care of this for me”? It’s like watching a little kid get a treat, instant smile on thier face. Men want to support us, and they want to know that what they do makes us happy.

So, if you let a man know what feels good to you through acknowledgment, the right man will be more than happy to do i

Example: The Coffee Test

Try this: next time a man does something for you, big or small, give him genuine appreciation. For example, if he brings you coffee in the morning, don’t just say “Thanks.” Instead, say, “Wow, I love that you did that for me. It makes me feel so taken care of.” Watch his reaction.

He’ll probably look like he just won a gold medal. This isn’t about stroking egos, it’s about recognizing the natural dynamic of giving and receiving that makes relationships thrive.

The Key to Deep Connection

In any relationship, it takes time to build trust that this person will show up for you. But a man can’t show up for you if you don’t let him.

Now, this is not about changing a man or turning him into some sort of robot whose only purpose is to serve you. It’s about letting a man know all the things he does that make you happy and showing appreciation for him.

Here’s a little secret: men can’t fall in love when we’re constantly giving to them or trying to control everything.

They fall in love when they’re giving to us.

It’s when you demonstrate that you can allow a man to play his favorite role of provider that he feels the most connected to you.

Try This: A Simple Way to Tap into What Men Want from Women

If you want to be the most attractive woman in the world to a man, allow him to play that role.

Try this:

• The next time you need something, instead of doing it yourself, ask a man for help. It can be as small as, “Hey, can you reach that for me?”
• If he offers to do something—don’t resist it. Just say, “That would be amazing, thank you.”
• When he does something kind for you, acknowledge it in a way that makes him feel the impact.

Trust me, men will flock to you when you learn how to do this. Give it a try and see what happens.

Is He Pulling Away, Sending Mixed Signals, or Just Acting… Weird?

You don’t have to overanalyze every text or try to “fix” things to get him to show up. In fact, doing more might be exactly what’s pushing him away.

If you’ve ever felt confused when a man suddenly becomes distant, unsure, or inconsistent—you’re not alone. The truth is, men often retreat when they don’t know how to connect, and most women respond in ways that (unknowingly) make things worse.

That’s why I created my free guide:

Know How to Respond When He’s Unsure, Confusing, or Pulling Away – And Come Out on Top

Inside, you’ll learn how to:

• Stop chasing or “proving” your worth when he gets distant
• Shift the dynamic back into connection and attraction
• Respond in a way that makes him lean in, not check out

Ready to stop second-guessing and start feeling confident in how you respond?

 Grab your free guide here!

You may also be interested in some of my other blog posts: Improve Your Communication with Men, Emotional Connection with a Man, and How to Know When You Meet the Right Man.