Have you ever been dating a man who seems amazing—until he suddenly says, “I don’t know what I want”? When he doesn’t know what he wants, it can leave you feeling confused, insecure, and stuck in dating limbo. You start wondering if you should wait for him to figure it out, walk away, or try to change his mind.

If you’ve ever been in this situation, you know exactly how frustrating it can be.

Those words leave you completely in the dark, insecure, and with no clue what is ACTUALLY going on in his mind. You’re left with your head spinning, overanalyzing every interaction, and wondering what you are supposed to do from here. It’s kind of the worst.

If you’ve experienced this, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

In these cases, him just ending things might feel better because at least you would KNOW. You know?

But here’s the thing, when a man tells you, “I don’t know what I want,” he’s already given you a big clue about where things are heading. Now, the ball is in your court. How you respond next can make all the difference in your confidence, peace of mind, and whether you continue wasting time in dating limbo.

HOW to respond in these situations so that you feel confident and composed instead of emotional or at a loss for words.

Let’s get into it.

Option #1: What to Do When He Says He Doesn’t Know What He Wants

If a man tells you he doesn’t know what he wants, sometimes he genuinely means it. He may be dealing with personal struggles, commitment fears, or uncertainty about his future

Maybe he just got out of a long-term relationship and isn’t sure if he’s ready for another. Maybe work stress is consuming his mind, or he’s dealing with unresolved emotional baggage.

Or, let’s be honest, maybe he just hasn’t thought about it that deeply until right now, when you asked.

Whatever the case, if you feel a genuine connection with him and sense he’s being truthful, give him the space to explain his feelings. A simple response like:

“Tell me more…”

…can encourage him to open up.

Example: you might say:

“I hear you. Relationships are a big deal, and I don’t expect you to have it all figured out overnight. Can you share a little more about what’s on your mind?”

Then…and this is key, sit back and listen. Let him talk without interrupting or filling in the silence.

This approach does two things:

1. It helps you understand where he’s really at.
2. It builds trust, showing him that you’re open to honest conversations without pressure.

But let’s be real:

Sometimes, men say they don’t know what they want when what they really mean is, “I know, but I don’t want to tell you.”

Which brings us to…

Option #2: Should You Wait If He Doesn’t Know What He Wants?

Dating a man who doesn’t know what he wants can be frustrating, but sometimes, people just need more time to process their emotions and feelings.

If you genuinely like this guy and sense potential, it’s okay to slow things down and see where it goes.

Here’s a common scenario:

You’ve been seeing each other for a couple of months. You’re feeling all the things, the connection, the chemistry, the future possibilities. But when you bring up “what are we?” he hits you with the dreaded:

“I don’t know what I want.”

At this point, your heart drops. But before you panic, consider this:

People move at different paces in relationships. Just because you might be ready to commit doesn’t mean he is there yet. And that’s okay—as long as there’s actual progress happening.

A great response here?

“That’s fair. I really enjoy spending time with you, and I’m happy to keep getting to know each other. But I also want to make sure we’re on the same page down the line.”

This does two things:

1. It shows that you’re cool, confident, and not in a rush.
2. It sets a boundary—you’re open to seeing where this goes, but not forever.

Important Note:

If you’ve been dating for 6+ months and he’s still unsure, this is no longer a “let’s take things slow” situation. At that point, it’s time to ask yourself, am I okay with this?

OPTION #3: Give Him Space and See If He Figures Out What He Wants

One way to know if a man who says he doesn’t know what he wants is truly interested is by giving him space and watching his actions.

Sometimes, when a man says, “I don’t know what I want,” he’s feeling pressure and needs time to process his emotions. But here’s the key: if a man truly values you, he will use that space to find clarity, not to fade away.

Instead of pushing for an answer or trying to decode his mixed signals, try this:

“I respect that you need time to figure things out. Take the space you need, and I’ll do the same. If and when you have clarity, you know where to find me.”

Then step back. Do NOT chase him. Do NOT check in.

Why This Works:

• It removes the pressure from you…no more obsessing over what he’s thinking.
• It forces him to take responsibility…does he step up or disappear?
• It gives you clarity…if he doesn’t reach out or make an effort, you have your answer.

But Here’s the Truth:

A man who is seriously interested will not risk losing you. If he truly sees your value, he won’t need months of space to figure it out, he will come back with an answer.

And if he doesn’t? That’s not someone you want to build a future with anyway.

Option #4: When to Walk Away—Because He Still Doesn’t Know What He Wants

If you’ve been dating for months and he still doesn’t know what he wants, that’s a major red flag. You deserve clarity, not uncertainty.

I need to say something hard, but with love:

Some men say “I don’t know what I want” as a way to string you along while keeping their options open.

Some men DO know what they want and it’s a casual, no-commitment setup where they get all the perks of a relationship without actually being in one.

And some men just aren’t that into you, but they don’t have the courage to say it outright.

Oof. I know. That one stings.

If your gut is telling you that he’s not actually confused but rather keeping you on standby while he figures out if he wants you, then girl, you have ONE RESPONSE:

“It’s over.”

Then walk away.

🚩 If you’ve been dating for months and he still won’t commit? It’s over.

🚩 If you’re always the one initiating deep talks while he avoids them? It’s over.

🚩 If he treats you like a priority only when it’s convenient for him? It’s over.

Walking away communicates something powerful: you know your worth.

A man who is serious about you will NOT be wishy-washy about where he stands. And the one who is wishy-washy? He’s doing you a favor by revealing himself now instead of a year down the line.

I know it’s not easy, especially if you’ve invested your heart, time, and energy into this man. But remember this:

You cannot convince a man to want what you want.

You can choose to honor yourself and your needs.

And trust me…the right man won’t leave you guessing.

OPTION #5: When He Doesn’t Know What He Wants, Choose Yourself Instead

When dating a man who doesn’t know what he wants, it’s easy to make it all about him, his confusion, his fears, his timing. But what about you?

Instead of waiting for him to figure things out, ask yourself:

What do I want?

Does this relationship feel good for me?

Am I willing to put my needs on hold while he sorts out his feelings?

Too often, we get stuck in a cycle of trying to understand his uncertainty when the real question is: is this situation making me feel happy, valued, and secure?

Here’s a mindset shift:

Instead of thinking, “I hope he chooses me” → Shift to “I am choosing what is best for me.”

How to Put This Into Action:

If he says, “I don’t know what I want,” try responding with:

“That’s okay! But I do know what I want, and I’m looking for a relationship where both people are clear and committed. If you’re not there, I totally understand, but I need to honor what’s right for me.”

This response does three things:

1. It shows confidence, you’re not waiting around for a man to maybe choose you.
2. It sets a boundary….you deserve clarity, not confusion.
3. It forces him to step up or step aside because you’re not settling for wishy-washy behavior.

This option is especially empowering because it shifts the dynamic. Instead of reacting to his uncertainty, you take control of your dating life.

You’ve got this!

The truth is, when a man says he doesn’t know what he wants, he’s already giving you an answer. You deserve a relationship where there’s no doubt about how much you’re valued.

A man who is truly interested will not let you walk away so easily. If he cares, this might just be the wake-up call he needs to get clear on his feelings.

And if he still doesn’t know what he wants?

That’s your answer. He’s not your guy.

For a deeper breakdown of why men act this way (and how to handle it like a queen), download my free guide:

How to Respond When He’s Unsure, Confusing, or Pulling Away – And Come Out on Top

Inside, you’ll get:

• The real reasons why men say “I don’t know what I want” (and what it actually means)
• Exact scripts & responses to stay in control (and never feel caught off guard again)
• How to tell when to wait vs. when to walk away—for good

Stop wasting time analyzing his every move. Get the clarity you need now!

Download the free guide today!