This Mindset Shift May Radically Change Your Dating Experience

“Does he like me…how do I get him to?”

Is a common question I am asked as a dating and relationship coach.

Even if women aren’t saying it, they’re thinking it. How do I get a second date? How do I get him to notice me? How do I encourage follow through? How do I make him want to pursue me? Does he like me?

It’s natural to think about these things. But, it can actually hinder your progress if you’re trying to search for a lasting, committed relationship.

Why? Because the underlying question you’re sending out to the universe is this: Am I enough for him?

 

Let that sink in.

 

As a confident, grounded woman…why do you regress to the middle-school feelings of needing validation from a guy in order to feel secure and happy? Why are you giving away your power to a man you don’t even know that well?

A lot of women are willing to give everything to a guy in order to be wanted. Even if they appear confident and capable on the outside, inside is a little girl who has experienced enough rejection that she’s stopped believing in her own worth.

You can see why this mindset attracts the WRONG types of guys.

Many women don’t KNOW they are doing this until we dive deep into their mindset around dating and the experiences they’ve had. I challenge you to get honest and vulnerable so you can acknowledge if this weakness is limiting your possibilities in dating and love.

How can you shift into a confident, high-quality woman mindset?

 

Here are three questions I pose to my clients:

 

#1 Is HE good enough for YOU?

Flip the narrative. Instead of focusing inward and wondering if he likes you or if you’re good enough for him, think about if HE is good enough for YOU?

This is not a judgmental mindset. You are looking for a lifetime partner and it’s okay to put the men you date through a strict filter. Does he have the qualities you’re looking for in a companion? Are you physically attracted to him? Does he live up to your expectations for chivalry and kindness? Does he have his life together? Is he in a stable career? Does he respect you and treat you the way you deserve?

 

#2 What is he adding to your life?

Instead of wondering does he like me or how I can land a second date, ask yourself if he is bringing something positive to your life. What does he bring to the table? How does he make you feel? What has he done to win you over? Is he putting a lot of thought and energy into pursuing you? A man worth dating will ADD to your life. He will actively pursue you, date you, and win you over. You won’t have to think about how to “keep him interested” because he will be obsessed with keeping YOU interested.

 

#3 Am I dating him in confidence or fear?

Do you feel confident when you’re dating this guy? Or are you dating him from a space of fear? Sometimes we date men because we are afraid of being alone, afraid of not being wanted, afraid of whatever…and so we date guys out of a FEAR space. This will attract the wrong types of guys and will also blind us to red flags.

When you date from a place of confidence, you know your worth. You are looking for a high-quality partner to become a contributing part of your life. If you don’t find him right away, you’re FINE being single! Because that’s better than lowering your standards.

When you’re in this space, you will attract a COMPLETELY different calibre of men! And even if a few low-rollers come your way, you’ll be able to turn them down confidently and wait for the REAL high-quality guys to show up.

I know, this is easier said than done. As human beings, we long for companionship and intimacy. It can be hard to maintain strong self-confidence and self-worth, but it’s 100% possible and necessary for you to live the life you really want.

Do what it takes to get to this space. It might mean hiring a therapist or a love coach who can mentor you through the tough inner work. It might be understanding your unique love personality type. Or it might take getting really honest with yourself so you can face and overcome your limiting beliefs. But from years of working with women like you, I know you’re 100% capable.

– Nicole