I used to hate the word “Fine”. This was before I learned that it means something completely different for men than it does for women.

The truth is, I have ended more relationships over the word “Fine” than I would like to admit…

I remember numerous arguments that I had with men I was dating all because of not understanding how they communicate.

Things would be going great and then all of sudden it seems he would shut down or become distant. I would be certain that something had happened between the two of us that caused him to retreat into silence.

I’d convinced myself that I had done something wrong to cause the shift. In those moments I would be confused, going over the day wondering what I could have done or said. Coming up empty-handed I’d begun probing him for answers of why he was quiet, why he seemed mad.

The only response I got was “I am good, nothing is wrong”. Those statements brought no comfort to my insecurities and over-analytical mind.

I desperately wanted him to open up to me and share what he was thinking or feeling. I didn’t trust that he was truly ok, in fact, I thought he was hiding his true feelings.

The more I pestered him to tell me what was wrong the further the emotional distance between us grow. The tension would finally break when he had enough of me asking and a fight would break out.

What I didn’t realize is that men (unlike women) are generally very literal when they communicate with us. They say exactly what they feel and think. And the biggest revelation to me was this: They rarely, if ever, have hidden meaning to their words.

Men will retreat into their “cave” for space and think of…nothing. That’s right, men have a “nothing” space they can retreat to in their minds! Baffling, right?

As women, we don’t have caves, and the thought of thinking of nothing makes NO sense to us. As result, we will continue to pester our man hoping that he will tell us what’s wrong.

The reason we don’t believe that a man is “Fine” or that nothing is wrong when he says so, is because when we say WE say we are “Fine”…we normally are definitely NOT fine… We want our partner to figure out what’s wrong with our subtle clues or body language.

We want him to ask follow-up questions and keep asking us if we are okay until we share how we REALLY feel. But men are not women! Men will take our Fine as meaning everything is good.

The key to having a man open up is trusting that when says, “I am fine” he really is or he wants mental space. 

And it has nothing to do with you.

The more you question him the further he will retreat into his cave and the more agitated he will become. Eventually, an issue will actualize because you are not giving him space, and sometimes that’s all men really need…

The Take Aways…

1. Believe men when they say there is nothing wrong or he is Fine. Give him the space he needs. Remember, it’s not about you. You did not do anything. If he wants to share he will on his OWN TIME.
2. When you say you are FINE be honest with yourself…ARE YOU REALLY FINE? Share what you’re really feeling (hurt, disappointment, frustration), don’t expect men to guess. Because he trusting you that you are truly fine and will respond accordingly to that.

If you take this advice to heart, it can really relieve a lot of the roadblocks in your relationship and bring you peace of mind. Remember, men and women are different, and communicate in different ways.

Have questions about navigating these relationship roadblocks? Schedule a call with me here!