I use to hate the word Fine. This was before I learned that it means something completely different for men then it does for women.

The truth is, I have ended more relationships over the word Fine that I would like to admit.

I remember numerous arguments that I had with men I was dating all because of not understanding how they communicate.

Things would be going great and then all of sudden it seem he would shut down or become distant. I would be certain that something had happened between the two of us that caused him to retreat into silence.

I’d convinced myself that I had done something wrong to cause the shift. In those moments I would be confused, going over the day wondering what I could have done or said. Coming up empty handed I’d began probing him for answers of why he was quiet, why he seemed mad.

The only response I got was “I am good, nothing is wrong” Those statements brought no comfort to my insecurities and over analytical mind.

I desperately wanted him to open up to me and share what he was thinking or feelings. I didn’t trust that he was truly ok, in fact I thought he was hiding his true feelings.

The more I pestered him to tell me what was the wrong the further the emotional distance between us grow. The tension would finally break when he had enough of me asking and a fight would break out.

Men Are Literal

What I didn’t realize that is men (unlike women) are generally very literal when they communicate with us.They say exactly what they feel and think. And the biggest revelation to me was this: They rarely, if ever, have hidden meaning to their words.

Men Need Space to Think

Men will retreat into their “cave” for space and think of… nothing. That’s right, men have a “nothing” space they can retreat to in their minds! Baffling, right? As women we don’t have caves, and the thought of thinking of nothing makes NO sense to us. As result we will continue to pester our man hoping that he will to tell us what’s wrong.

Men Believe What We Say

The reason we don’t believe that a man is Fine or that nothing is wrong when he says so, is because when we say WE say we are Fine…we normally are definitely NOT fine.. We want our partner to figure out what’s wrong by our subtle clues or body language. We want him to ask follow up questions and keep asking us if we are okay until we share how we REALLY feel. But men are not women! Men will take our Fine as meaning everything is good.

The key to having a man open up is trusting that when says, “I am Fine” he really is or he wants mental space. And it has nothing to do with you.

The more you question him the further he will retreat into his cave and the more agitated he will become. Eventually, an issue will actually because you are not giving him space, and sometimes that’s all men really need..

Remember….

#1  Men Say What They Mean

Believe Men when they say there is nothing wrong or he is Fine. Give him the space he needs. Remember, it’s not about you. You did not do anything to provoke him. If he wants to share he will on his OWN TIME

#2  Be Honest With How You Feel

When you say your FINE be honest with yourself, ARE YOU REALLY FINE? Share what your really feeling (hurt, disappointment, frustration) , don’t expect men to guess. Because he trusting you that you are truly fine and will respond accordingly to that

If you take this advice to heart, it can really relieve a lot of stress in your relationship and bring you peace of mind. Remember, men and women are different, and communicate in different ways. Keep learning about the differences and applying them in your relationship.

xxx,

Nicole