We’ve all been there. You just got out of your first relationship. Whether it was long term or short, you’re still hurt, maybe angry or bitter against the idea of relationships. You keep a tally of all the things you didn’t like about your ex and reason with yourself that you’re better off without him. You determine you’ll stay single until you meet your Superman.
But, all too quickly you find yourself lonely. You miss having someone there. You want to get back out there. After all, you are fabulous. But still, you are determined not to have a relationship until it’s Mr. Right.
“I just want to date. No titles and no strings attached,” you think to yourself.
But then it dawns on you… you don’t know how to do that. You only know how to be in a dedicated relationship. You don’t even know what you like in any other man. Sure you have other guy friends, but you’ve only been devoted to your ex.
Once again you run a mental checklist of all the things you don’t want, but come up blank when you try to think about what you do. If you don’t even know what you like, what you need for mental and emotional support, or what you’re attracted to…how will you know if Mr. Right is standing right in front of you?
Not all Men are Created Equal… for Dating
Some women are truly lucky; they meet their Prince Charming on the first try. They date exclusively, get engaged, get married and start a family. It’s picture perfect. But for others, things take a little more trial and error. It becomes all too easy to become exhausted with even the idea of dating.
Unfortunately, chemistry is not enough to sustain a long term or permanent relationship. There needs to be a deeper related understanding of how the other person thinks; what makes them tick. Far too many women start with chemistry and assume the mutual morals and goals with align later. As a result, they end up falling too quickly, investing too much emotional energy, only to find out that Mr. Almost Right is not right for them in the end.
It’s a vicious cycle for many women.
For many, it’s important to “date” several different men, in order to understand what qualities and characteristics are important to you and to see which man has those aspects, rather than assuming anyone does because there was chemistry or attraction. Dating and interacting with many men helps to keep from naturally going into Relationship Mode and over-functioning to soon, causing an exhaustion with dating.
What are Characteristics to Look For?
While some of us have a mental checklist for our “perfect mate,” there may be some things that haven’t even made it to your list that are equally, if not more important, than your thoughts on physical features or initial chemistry.
First, let’s look at the basics.
- Is he good guy? Is he reliable, tells the truth, and cares about others?
- Does he want a real, committed relationship?
- Is he wanting/willing to have children if you want them?
- Does he have similar lifestyle values?
- Does he like his field of work and is he financially stable?
- Is he a member of the same religious faith (if that’s important toyou)?
- Is he not in a relationship with anyone else?
- Does he come from a stable family?
- Is he geographically desirable?
In order for this to truly work for you, you do need to say “yes” to the majority, if not all, of these things.
Now we can get on to the things you may not have thought of. You see, it’s important to be able to gauge where someone stands with US, not just where we stand with THEM, or else we will end up giving all and receiving little.
How does he interact with YOU?
- Is he eager to see you…but not clingy or needy?
- Is respectful of your request and needs?
- Is he interested to know about you and your life?
- Does he want to be helpful?
- Is he verbally or physically affectionate?
- Does he know that he wants to be more than just sexual with me?
- Does he treat you like you are very special and doesn’t reallywant to date others?
- Is he understanding that you are cautious and want to “Data Date?”Is he willing to hang in there while you do?
Once again, if you can’t say “yes” to the majority of these things… time to move on, girl! Now, to be fair, it can be difficult to know for sure about someone’s intentions from the get-go. Maybe it’s all for show initially, maybe they aren’t sincere. That is where time and being willing to “Data Date” comes into play.
At the end of the day, however, let men come to YOU; don’t chase them. Let the right guy show you that he has all the qualities you’re looking for, instead of you trying to piece them together to fit into the person across the table.
If you decide to keep going with Mr. Maybe, there are a few more things to consider.
Is he willing to grow?
- Does he take suggestions or advice?
- Is he self-reflective and self-aware?
- Is he willing or has explored options like life coaching or counselling?
- Who are his mentors or people he looks up to?
- Does he take self-growth courses, workshops, seminars or podcast?
- Does he meditate or pray?
- Does he have a good group of friends? Are they people you’d want to hang around as well?
All of these things combined, could make up the perfect partner! But we still have a few things left to examine. Most importantly, how do YOU feel when you are with him? And how do you want to feel with your significant other?
Are you ready for a love breakthrough?
Get honest with yourself. Are you truly open to meeting and engaging with men? Or are you quick to shut them down due to being nervous or afraid of getting hurt again? Do you stay longer than you’d like because you are afraid of hurting his feelings?
Truth is, maybe you don’t even know. Maybe you don’t know what you want, what’s important to you, or how to tell the difference.
That’s what I am here for.
If you’re ready to figure out WHY you’re so frustrated with dating (yes, attracting the wrong men is part of this!), I’d love you to join my June Masterclass! This 90 minute training + Q&A will cover my three tactics for re-energizing your dating life AND attracting high-quality men.
The best part? It’s absolutely FREE. AND when you sign up you’ll get the replay if you can‘t make it live.
Sign up now and I’ll follow up with details!
Do you consider this when dating and meeting men?
May 28, 2022