Knowing how to talk to a guy is going to help you connect with your man (or date!) on a deeper level. At first, they might seem odd to you but the more you use them, the more you’ll see that they WORK!
Every woman knows that a man’s brain is wired differently than her own. But still, many women communicate with men the same way as they do with their girlfriends. Needless to say, these women are often disappointed and feel a lack of connection with the men in their lives.
Good, effective, genuine communication is a vital key to ANY successful relationship.
Here are some clues you are NOT communicating effectively with your partner:
Your conversations aren’t going deeper than surface level
You usually talk more than he does
He gives you one-word answers
You don’t feel like he is hearing/listening to you
You make a lot of assumptions about how he feels
You’re losing your temper/patience easily
You talk to your friends about your relationship more than you do your partner
Did you find yourself nodding to any of these? Don’t worry, the strategies I’m going to teach you to help 98% of my clients improve their communication! And if these tips DON’T do the trick…it’s usually a sign that the relationship isn’t meant to be.
Let’s dive right into the good stuff!
#1 Give Him Space
When you are out with a bunch of girlfriends, the conversation most likely flows easily and quickly. There is a lot of talking, interrupting, topic changing, tangents and back and forth between people in the group. This is very normal for women! We think quickly, we respond quickly, and getting our thoughts out of our own heads helps us feel connected and releases stress.
Men…DO NOT WORK THIS WAY.
What men need to thrive in a conversation is SPACE.
Not physical space, but space in the conversation to share their thoughts. Men will thrive and be engaged in a conversation when they are given the space to do so.
What does this look like?
It’s simple. When you ask him a question, be silent. Wait. Give him adequate space to respond before jumping in with your own thoughts.
When you create space for him in this way and practice active listening, you’re communicating that WHAT HE HAS TO SAY MATTERS TO YOU.
#2 “Tell me more…”
These 3 words, plus a little patience, will do wonders for your conversations. Especially in the beginning, the men in your life might be taken aback by how quiet you become when they talk. They might not get the hint that you want to hear MORE from them. So all you have to say is,
“Tell me more…”
And then listen. Be interested. Try to breathe and not rush in with your own opinions and thoughts too fast. The more you do this, the more he is going to feel valued in a conversation and the more engaged he will become. You will learn more about what lights him up. And you’ll be able to go deeper with him.
#3 Convey Trust And Respect
Something most men want, deep down, is to feel respected by those who matter to them. They want to know you believe in them, trust them, and hold them in high regard. This is easy to convey by changing your language. Here are a few phrases to give you the right idea.
“I trust you will figure it out.”
“I want to ask your opinion about something important to me…”
“I value your input…”
“I trust you know what is best to do…”
And then, when he shares, be gracious. Thank him for his ideas. Or, if he’s sharing something hard he is facing, reassure him that you know he’s got it handled.
#4 Nurture Him Instead Of Mother Him
When you’ve been in a relationship with someone for a while, it is easy to start “mothering” him. It’s instinctual for women, and you may even not realize you’re doing it.
Mothering looks and sounds like…
It’s cold, put your jacket on.
That is too expensive! Choose something cheaper.
That’s so unhealthy…why don’t you try this?
You’re tired…how late did you stay up last night?
Why haven’t you done XYZ?
Remember: your partner is a grown man. He spent 18+ years with a mother and didn’t move out to find another one!
Men do things in their own way and don’t need to be “trained” like a dog. They make their own choices and as a fellow adult, you get to respect him and how he chooses to live his life.
Learn to resist the urge to mother.
It’s easier said than done, but it will absolutely transform your relationship when you pull it off!
Here are a few ways to shift your language to be nurturing instead of mothering:
Instead of: It’s cold, put your jacket on.
Try: Are you cold? Do want me to get your jacket?
Instead of: Go see a doctor.
Try: You’re not feeling well? What can I do for you?
And respect what he says. Sometimes you just have to keep your mouth closed and let him be, even when he is doing something you don’t agree with.
#5 Make It Obvious What You Want From Him
When my clients come to me, disappointed about not getting what they want from their partner, I always ask them:
“Did you tell him exactly what you wanted/needed?”
“…no, I just thought he would know…”
Listen, it may seem silly to say, but men cannot read your mind. They also cannot live up to expectations that have never been communicated. Men love it when their partners make it EASY to love them by telling them exactly what they need.
I’m serious. I hear men all the time saying things like…
“I just wish I knew what she wanted.”
“I would love to understand her expectations so I could stop disappointing her.”
“I just want to make her happy but I don’t know how.”
IF you are dating a high-quality guy, he absolutely 100% wants to make you happy. If he KNOWS what you want and need, he will bend over backwards to do it for you.
So how can you communicate to him exactly what you need and want from him? There are a few ways to accomplish this.
When he does something you like/appreciate…smile. Say thank you. Bat your eyelashes. Put your hand on his arm. Positive reactions from you are all it takes!
If a holiday, anniversary, birthday or another special event is coming up, say something like, “I know (this event) can put a lot of pressure on a man. I want you to know I will appreciate any effort you make. I don’t want you to have to guess what I want so…this is what would mean a lot to me: (fill in the blank).”
I hope these tips landed for you! Try them for a few days and let me know what happens.
Book a session with me HERE and I’ll offer you personalized feedback and insight into your situation.
How to Talk to a Guy with these 5 Tips
Dec 14, 2020