When Men Pull Away – What to do!?
I work with a lot of women who are in relationships, or not certain where they stand in them…They’re hurting because of problems that have come in between them and the one they love. They often come to me facing the hard decision of whether to stay or leave.
This is a challenging and potentially heartbreaking decision many of us have to make more than once in life. And it may not need to come to this.
Quick story for you.
I have a client we will call Alicia. Alicia is separated from her husband but they are still living together in the same house with their small child. She and her husband have been living in this sort of limbo state for quite a while.
Ultimately, Alicia wants to save her marriage. She loves her husband and doesn’t want to lose the life they’ve built together. She watches videos and listen to lectures about relationships and marriage, and also hired me to help her find answers to her get clarity around her relationship.
During their emotional and romantic separation, Alicia has been trying to give him space to come to her when he is ready. She realized that she showed up in ways in their relationship and did things that pushed him away.
When Alicia first came to me, she was honest that she was only interested in two things: either saving her marriage or moving on. She couldn’t live in limbo any longer.
As we dove deeper into Alicia’s life and her relationship with her spouse, we discovered that all through her marriage she kept “one foot out the door”. When Alicia would get emotionally triggered she would withdraw or become defensive. She did this because she was afraid that being vulnerable meant being a doormat.
This fear of complete commitment and vulnerability was pushing her husband away and jeopardizing continuing to get closer and work together in the relationship. It was as if they would take two steps forward and one GIANT step back. Ever felt this way?
Recognizing this pattern in her marriage was very eye-opening. She knew she wanted to work on communication and connection with her spouse and also learn to be vulnerable and trusting so that their marriage could thrive.
Within a week of working together and implementing several strategies we’d discussed, her husband started showing up for her and their child in a way he hadn’t for a long time. He asked to spend more time together, he made her breakfast, took their baby out for walks so she could sleep in more!
Alicia was able to shift into receiving mode, which she hadn’t really done much of before in their marriage. Not only was she able to receive, but she was appreciative of everything her husband did in a way that made him feel needed, respected and important to her.
The last time we spoke, her husband and her had begun kissing again. They didn’t have a clear picture of the future just yet but are definitely headed in a good direction for them. “I didn’t believe this was possible, I feel hopeful for the first time in months about our future”,
Why did Alicia’s husband have such a dramatic change in behaviour and interest? There are several reasons, and they are not unique only to Alicia’s case. Alicia’s husband feels what most men want to feel in a relationship.
He feels safe.
He feels approved of and appreciated.
He feels like she wants to be with him.
He feels like he can make her happy.
He IS making her happy.
I am excited to continue working with Alicia and see what the next chapter is for her and her family.
Are you ready to shift your dating life or your current relationship? In my experience, many people give up on good relationships too soon because they don’t know exactly how to deeply connect with their partner or handle emotional triggers.
If you want to create a fresh start in your relationship, sign up now for your complimentary “Let’s Talk Love” with myself. This is a 30-minute session where we get real about what’s going on in your love life and create a plan to fulfill your full potential for happiness, love and partnership.
Spaces fill up quickly so grab your spot now.
I look forward to meeting you!
P.S. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, things are going to stay the same. My guess is if you’re reading this because you want the future to look different than the present. Give yourself the clarity you need to make the best decision for your future and your relationship. Click Here for a call right here.
What to do When Men Pull Away
Jan 11, 2021