Does your love life feel like it’s on repeat?

Many times we have unconscious patterns occurring that create results we actually don’t want. Breaking these unconscious or even conscious patterns is one the main things I do with 1:1 clients or in my group programs. You might be aware of what keeps showing up in your love life but do you know how to break relationship patterns?

I deeply believe that lasting change happens at the unconscious level, which why I do Love CodingTM which is creating a new set of beliefs, habits, and practices that guide your actions and interactions in romantic relationships at the unconscious level with my clients.

Below are few things that can help you start breaking your love life patterns:

How to Break Relationship Patterns

Reflect on your Past Relationships

To overcome dating patterns, start by reviewing your past relationships. Think about the common themes and patterns that emerged, such as always dating someone who is emotionally unavailable, or always falling for people who are not a good fit for you. Once you can identify how to break relationship patterns, you can start to make conscious choices to do something different.

One of my favourite exercises I have women do is grab a piece a paper and divide it in half. At the top write “positive traits” and “negative traits”. Then take some time and look back on your previous experiences and jot down the positive traits of that individual and the relationship and then do the negative traits.

You might realize afterwards that you find yourself attracted to people who are not ready for a committed relationship.

So to break this pattern:

• You might choose to be more selective in who you give your time and attention to.
• You might set boundaries early on and only invest in people who are looking for the same type of relationship that you are.
• You might ask more bold questions at the beginning of getting to know someone.
• You might be more expressive and communicate what’s important to you in a relationship.
• You might slow down rather than rushing into an instant relationship or what I call a faux relationship and instead observe the person in front of you over a three month period before you decide to be exclusive or fall in love.

Maybe you realize that you settle for partners who don’t share your values. If you find yourself constantly compromising your values or beliefs in order to make a relationship work, it’s time to reassess what’s truly important to you.

So to break this pattern:

• Write out everything you want in a relationship or partner and then look over your list and choose only 10 qualities. These become your Must Haves. Ask yourself, would I rather be single than be with someone who does not have this quality. This will help you determine your Must Haves. The remaining list is your Nice-to-Haves.
• Now determine your 5 non-negotiables.
• Use this as a guide when choosing potential partners. It’s okay to be selective and wait for someone who shares your values – in fact, it’s better to be single than to be with someone who doesn’t respect or understand you.

Maybe you realize that you struggle with a fear of vulnerability that leads you to avoid opening up to your partner.

So to break this pattern:

• You might consider seeking out a Dating Love Coach who can help you overcome fear and anxiety so you can trust yourself.
• You pay attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors in the present moment, without judgement.
• You start focusing on being honest with yourself.

Maybe you realize you tend to become jealous and possessive in your relationships.

So to break this pattern:

• You practice mindfulness.
• You might start to notice the physical sensations in your body when these feelings arise, such as a tightness in your chest or a knot in your stomach.
• Once you can identify these sensations, you can take a step back, take a deep breath, and choose to respond in a more productive way, such as communicating openly with your date or partner about your concerns.

By breaking past patterns and building healthier behaviors, you can create a stronger, more loving relationship that is built on trust, respect, and mutual support.

If you’re struggling with past patterns or behaviors that are hindering your success in dating and relationships, know that you’re not alone. I’ve written many other blog posts that would be helpful as well, such as Being Emotionally Available to Yourself and Improve your Self-Worth to Attract the Right Man.

I find that majority of my clients know their patterns but struggle to create a different outcome. That is why I do Love Coding TM to create lasting change.

If you’re ready to finally break free from your patterns, book a Let’s Talk Love call and I’ll share more about Love Coding and what you can do right now to create a lasting shift in your love life.

Why? Because you deserve a fulfilling relationship.