Is it possible certain things are holding you back in dating? We often catch ourselves saying, “Once I have this thing, then I’ll do that, and then I’ll finally be happy!” It’s like we’re always waiting for something external to happen before we allow ourselves to experience the joy and fulfillment we desire.

This approach is often known as the Have – Do – Be mindset and it keeps us trapped in a cycle of waiting. And the waiting game can feel endless. There will always be another “have’ that we think we need before we can truly live.

Is this holding you back?

In dating, this looks like holding back on doing the things we want to until we have a relationship. Maybe you’ve wanted to do a cooking class, but think it would be more fun to do it on a date. Or, you’ve wanted to try out this new hike or camping spot but would rather experience that with your man. Maybe, you’ve wanted to check out that new restaurant but decided to wait until you have a boyfriend.

It holds us back when we think we have to “have” a relationship before we can “do” activities that would make us feel fulfilled.

But what if you approached your love life from a “Be – Do – Have” mindset?

This empowers you to take charge of your own happiness and fulfillment.

It reminds you that you have the power to create your own reality. What if you start allowing yourself to feel the feelings you want NOW? Start with the “Be”. Embody the qualities and emotions associated with your desires, instead of waiting for a relationship to shift your inner state.

What if you started to focus on loving, adoring, cherishing and supporting yourself and making time for you?

If you’re up for it, here is my challenge for you:

This month, become aware of all things happening that align with your desire. Plan to do one thing a week that makes you feel amazing or that you’ve been waiting to do.

Next, I want you to track what you are doing on a calendar. I get my clients to buy heart stickers for the dates/happy hours that happen, and star stickers for all the things they are doing for themselves that make them feel good. See below for my ideas.

At the end of the month, you’ll be able to look back and see what you are doing and how you took control to shift your energy, mood and state to feel good. You’ll notice how good it feels to stop holding back until you have that “thing,” ie, the relationship. Visually looking at the calendar and seeing all the stickers will start to provide your brain with new evidence that things are happening for you in a good way.

Ideas for giving yourself Hearts:

• Go to your favourite restaurant, sit at the bar and enjoy a cocktail/mocktail.
• Take yourself out on a date
• Meet up with a girlfriend to enjoy Happy Hour together
• Attend a social event where you might meet potential matches
• If someone buys you a drink or starts talking to you (even if it’s on the subway or elevator)

Ideas for giving yourself Stars

• Taking the time to curl up and read a good book or watch a movie
• Bubble bath
• Manicure or pedicure (DIY or Salon)
• Taking time to lavish yourself with body lotion or oils
• Facial (DIY or Spa)
• Enjoying nature

You may find some of my other blog posts interesting: How to be Vulnerable in a Relationship, How Trauma Affects Relationships, How to Break Relationship Patterns.

Ready to take things up a notch? Book a call with me here.